Having mixed feelings

Adrian loves rainbows. He likes the colors, likes the order of the spectrum, likes the radiance. He especially loves them if they are glittery or sparkly.

So about six weeks ago, right before school started, we were in an art supply store and he and Nathan were choosing temporary tattoos. They had booklets of snakes, skulls, vines, glittery rainbow unicorns, pirates, and assorted traditional 'flash'.

Nathan, with very little hesitation, chose the skulls.

Adrian leafed through the display for eleven minutes.

He took out the glittery rainbow unicorns, put them back. Looked again at the snakes and pirates. Took out the snakes, came toward the counter. Turned back and put the snakes in the display.

Having known Adrian for 5 years and 11 months by that point, I was pretty sure what his mini crisis of conscience was about.

"Mom, can I choose whichever ones I want?"

"Of course." I was determined not to say anything leading or gender-biased.

Adrian looked through all of them again, then took out the glittery rainbow unicorns and brought them to the counter. (The clerk, bless his Modern Primitives heart, took a look at Adrian's choice and said, "Cool tattoos.") I paid for them and with very little fanfare, and we took them home.

When we got home, the boys got ready to put on their tattoos. Adrian chose his favorite -- a white unicorn with rainbow wings and a red mane and tail -- and as he was holding the sponge against his forearm, he brought up the decision himself.

"Mom, I had mixed-up feelings about these tattoos."

"Is that so?" (Suddenly I sound like my maternal grandmother, with vague, open-ended conversational elements!)

"Yeah. Do you know why I did?"

"Why?"

"I'm not sure. Because I was not sure if they were OK for boys." We haven't ever told him that some things are only for boys and some only for girls, but he's obviously been picking it up.

"Are you glad you chose them?"

"Yes! They're beautiful," he said, gazing at them in wonder. "I'm going to put them all on right now."

"Well then, they must be OK for boys. Because you're a boy, and you like them."

Sure enough, he was decorated on all four limbs and his belly by the first day of school. We hadn't really talked about the whole boy/girl appropriateness thing, but I did offer one suggestion. "Do you know one thing you coul say if someone asks why you chose those tattoos? You can say that rainbows are for anyone who likes colors." And we left it at that.

I don't know if Adrian's love of rainbows, hearts, unicorns and butterfly tattoos 'means' anything for the long term or not. But I do know that we love him, and we want him to be able to be himself -- unapologetically -- for as long as he can get away with it.