Three is the new Six

Our older child started first grade a couple of weeks ago. We love his teacher already. Mrs. S. is smart, witty and consistent; she provides a good balance of incentives and consequences; and, most importantly for me, she helped the children to set a class contract so that they can get the most out of their year together. She gives them a sense of accountability for their own behaviors and choices that will serve them well.

Mrs. S. is also organized and communicates regularly with parents. Each week she has sent home materials that describe the curriculum, plans for the upcoming week, and in some cases, developmental insights to help put first graders' mood swings and physiology into perspective.

This past week, the flyer was called "Growing Up / Grade 1, Week 1". It led with a sweet poem from A.A. Milne's 1927 poetry collection, Now We Are Six.

Now I Am Six
When I was One,
I had just begun.
When I was Two,
I was nearly new.
When I was Three,
I was hardly me.
When I was Four,
I was not much more.
When I was Five,
I was just alive.
But now I am SIX
I'm clever as clever,
So I think I'll stay SIX
for ever and ever!

That's a lovely sentiment, and brings back nice memories. But A.A. Milne obviously spent very little time with my children.

My kids had just begun at about 4 weeks; were still nearly new at about 2 months; and were hardly me by 3 months. By the time they could see beyond the stroller edges and hold their heads up, they were already firmly themselves. And once they were three -- even APPROACHING three -- fuggetaboudit. They were articulate, self-aware, determined, opinionated, and passionate. Poor impulse control, sure. Still running with bent arms like a baby T.Rex, sure. Having accidents, messing stuff up, learning to hold a pencil, and looking to Mom and Dad for comfort and security, yes. But 'hardly me'? No way.

And now that they are in pre-K and first grade, our boys are firmly on their way, guided often by adults who know that having your own voice is great, and that it is also important to acknowledge the social contract: share, don't hurt others, be kind, teach when you can. That's our job now as parents, I believe -- to recognize who our children are and let them be themselves whenever possible.

It's great that we know enough to listen to our children today. That we honor their little personalities and opinions even before they learn to speak. That our kids will grow up able to say their truths and claim their share of control in a new world.

Boys, we may get aggravated a lot, but please continue to be yourselves. We hear you, and love who you are.