When is a salad not a salad?

If anyone else's child was given a takeout box with grilled chicken, cheese, tortilla strips, and dressing, they would probably call it chicken. Nathan calls it a salad. He's not delusional, it's just that the "Chicken Taco Salad" from Grilly's [watch out for the embedded hat dance music on the site!] has been modified for Nathan, with the elimination of all vegetables.

"Grilly's in Mill Valley, how can I help you?" says Nicolas, when I call to place an order.
"Can I make an order to pick up, please?"
"Sure, what would you like?"
"A Chicken Taco Salad, no salsa," I say, ready for the response.
"No salsa?"
"No salsa. And also, no lettuce." Here it comes.
"No lettuce?"
"No lettuce."
"NO LETTUCE?" shouts Nicolas, sure he is talking to a crazy person.
"That's right. No lettuce, no salsa."
"Hold on a second." (Sound of fast Spanish talking.) "You want a salad with no lettuce."
"Yes, please. It's for my child."
"It's gonna come in a smaller box."
"That's fine. Thanks."
"Your name, please?"
"Emily."
"OK, Emily, ten minutes in Mill Valley." (This they say because there is also a Grilly's in Fairfax, and they don't want to have extra salad in one town and hungry customers in another.)

The reason I know how this goes down is that I have called like 10 times in the last two months and I make the same order every time. Every time, the question. Every time, the incredulity. No lettuce? What the heck kind of crazy salad has no lettuce? And on the other hand, how many people call to order a crazy salad with no lettuce OTHER than me? If there are that many of us that he doesn't already know who it is, then they should invent a Lettuceless Chicken Taco Salad and put it on the menu and then I can order that, unmodified.

The funny thing is, Nathan does still think of it as salad. "Mom, can I have some salad?" he asks as we drive down Miller Avenue past Grilly's every day. What would he do if I put a plate of lightly-dressed field greens in front of him?

Same thing as me, probably -- look for the meat. Because I share Nathan's point of view: that a salad just isn't a salad unless it has some kind of meat on it. My salads DO have lettuce, but only as a vehicle for the blue cheese, the bacon/salami/pepperoni/turkey, the croutons, the sesame seeds, and the candied walnuts.

Maybe that's where he gets it. At least he hasn't started asking for ambrosia salad... now THAT's crazy.